How Grief May Be Plaguing You During the Pandemic

Weekly Mourner 6, August 2020

By Leah Glass 

Salvador Dali, “Figure At a Window”, 102 x 75 cm, oil on canvas, 1925.

(Leah Glass, MA, LBSW, CCBT, is a licensed social worker who has spent the last four years of her life working in Hospice grief counseling. Leah is a therapist with a specialty in grief. She’s also working on a book that is expected to be out within the close of the year.)

Do you know that nagging sick feeling in your stomach? Those racing anxious thoughts? You may have been assuming that they are simply a bi-product of all the stress you have been under for the last few months. What if I told you they could also be grief? 

Why would I suggest such a thing? Well, for starters because it's true, and because a bunch of folks at Harvard agree with me, so sit down and let me explain a bit. Full disclosure, I wrote this article after reading this Harvard article but these thoughts are my own. I cite it here because I think you’ll benefit from reading the article too. Plus, not everyone reads the Harvard Business Review (not even me) and I figured that you might not have seen the article. Here are my thoughts and I will also link the article below. 
You can grieve a lot of things. Not just people, but places, and hopes, and dreams. 

You can grieve the fact that life as we know it went up in smoke and now, for a lot of us, that might mean figuring out who we are, without a job, or without access to family/friends or the litany of distractions we are so apt to drown ourselves in. Grieving through this time might look like: Losing a job you felt was your life's work. Maybe you owned a business and had to close your doors. Maybe your entire identity was your job and now you have to reinvent yourself. 
That is scary as hell. 
It is also sad, and it is ok to be sad about it. Grief can also look like: You are sad and lonely because you usually go out to the bar with friends when you are feeling low, but now you don't have that coping mechanism, so you are alone with yourself more than you want to be. Maybe your mental health was already a concern for you before all of this and you are upset and scared at what might be coming next for you. Perhaps you have lost someone to this virus or have not seen family you are close to because you are afraid to jeopardize their health. 

Anticipatory grief is also a big factor here. Not knowing what the future might hold for us is super frightening. In a time where almost everything is preplanned and immediate gratification is the status quo, not knowing what comes next means we are dealing with more anxiety and depression about our futures. The idea that no one can give us an end date about all of this is a feeling we are unaccustomed to.

 Let's segway, what can we do? The short answer is, there is a lot we can do, but it is personal work more than solving the actual issue with our environment. Accept what your scope of control is. What can you control and what can’t you control? Talk with someone! If you need to set an appointment with a therapist many of us are offering fully virtual sessions. Keep in contact with friends and family virtually. It isn't the same but it is still important to keep your social interaction with others a priority. Talk with your doctor. This is never a bad thing and many offices are also offering virtual appointments. Keep negative thoughts OUT and positive ones IN. Start writing down things you are grateful for. People who have a more grateful outlook on life are BETTER equipped mentally to deal with trauma (it's true, look it up!) Finally, make time to do something just for you. Cook, draw, write, read, take a walk. Anything you can do as part of good self-care will be extra helpful! 

As always, I am happy to hold space for you here. Head up, eyes forward..we will get through this, together.

Here is the article and it is well worth the read: https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief 

You can contact the author of this article at Leahwritesabook@gmail.com
And if you would like to reach out to anyone regarding any grief you are experiencing you can send an email here: info@neuroandcounselingcenter.com